Genuine Things People Have Asked for in a UK Record shop

GENUINE THINGS PEOPLE HAVE ASKED FOR IN RECORD SHOPS

Taken from the books of Graham Jones 




HAVE YOU GOT?

•    The song about the trans-sexual who nearly misses the train - Last Train to Trans-Central by KLF
•    An album by Greg Orian called Chants
•    The Jammy Rocker –Jamiroquai
•    Charley Farley, he is a ‘ragu’ artist –Bob Marley
•    A copulation album – The shop suggested ‘Songs for Swinging Lovers’ by Frank Sinatra (I guess they were after a compilation album)
•    The ‘I’m arsehole, man’ song – I’m a Soul Man by Sam & Dave
•    My grand-daughter is a big fan of The Mad Donna, do you stock her CDs?
•    Reg Zeppelin
•    Ron Maiden
•    Black Eyed Beans
•    Justin Beaver
•    Phil Spectrums Wall of Sound
•    Ron Skibbit – Bronski Beat
•    Marsha Cup – All Shook up by Elvis Presley
•    Seasick Dick
•    Alvin Sawdust
•    Bill Nelson’s Red Nose
•    Hey Dude by The Beatles
•    Paul O’Tinny (not an Irish crooner but Paolo Nutini
•    Ralph Harris
•    Gladys Knight and the Pimps
•    Richard Claydermouse
•    The Phenomenal Handicap Band - The Phenomenal Hand Clap Band
•    Polaroid by Black Sabbath
•    Layla by Eric and the Dominoes
•    Dr Hook and the Medicine Chest
•    Dennis Rissole –Demis  Roussos
•    Avro Prat – Famous Estonian composer Arvo Part
•    Frank Gillis – Vangellis
•    Ernie Stubbs – Ernest Tubb
•    Bob Miller – If you have not heard of him he is the guy with the dreadlocks, if that helps
•    DJ Ango Rineheart –Django Reinhardt
•    Rita Cool Fridge
•    The Loneliest Monk – Thelonious Monk
•    The Gordon Lightfoot song Donkey Oaty – (Don Quixote)
•    Carry on Fidelio – Karajan’s Fidelio
•    The song that Glen Cambell sings about being a linesman for the county? The song was Witchita Lineman and the songs lyrics are I am a LINEMAN for the county.
•    Lynyrd Skynyrd’s new album Streets of Ivus –(Street Survivors)
•    The King and I by Slade – Your Love is King by Sade
•    Raper’s Delight by The Sugarhill Gang –(Rappers Delight
•    The new album by Dee Ten – (Dio)
•    Zed Zed Top
•    Withering Heights
•    Otis Redding – Sitting on the back of a duck
•    The Jethro Tull album ‘Daft as a Brush’ (Thick as a Brick)
•    Kick Me in the Coconuts – (Kid Creole and the Coconuts)
•    Marvin Gaye singing Central Heating
•    Tommy Eros – (Tori Amos)
•    Love will Tear us Apart by Joey Davison
•    A band whose name is something like diarrhoea – Dire Straits
•    I think it is called ‘Up the back passage’ – Up the Junction –Squeeze
•    A song about a woman jogging down the shops – Kate Bush –Running up the Hill
•    Rock Around the Clock by Bill Shankley
•    No mule you fool – Elkie Brookes – No more the Fool
•    Buddy Holly sings the Beatles
•    Andy Roo – Andre Rieu
•    The Arctic Gorillaz
•    The Edison Lighthouse Family
•    Barclay James Harvester
•    The one sung by the pretty blonde and the guy who jumps about

Customer – I would like to buy some string
Shop – Do you mean Sting?
Customer - No, it’s definitely string
Shop – What does String sing?
Customer - String doesn’t sing it’s for tying up parcels.




A man walks in and says that he has heard this Bangin' tune and asks if they have it in stock. The only problem is he can’t remember the artist or the title.
The assistant asks him if he can describe it.
"Yes,it went duh,duh,duh,duh,then it made some squeaky noises then duh, duh, again for ages"
"Sorry mate the assistant says we have sold out".




Customer: Do you stock Ha Ha?
Shop: Do you mean A-ha?
Customer: No it’s definitely Ha Ha. I guess you have not heard of them because they are Norwegian.

Customer: Have you got a song by a woman with love in the title? I heard it on the radio and would like to buy it.
Shop – If you tell us when you heard it and what radio station it was on we can look up their playlist and get it for you.
Customer – That is fantastic, the station was Radio 2 and it was about 10 years ago.



 After 6 editions Last Shop Standing book crammed full of record shop tales has been deleted. Still available on Kindle




 'The Vinyl Revival and the Shops That Made it Happen' is Graham Jones new book
 
Over 220 independent record shops are  featured



 


Check out the trailer


https://youtu.be/dDYrd0N2cIA


The books of Graham Jones are available in record shops or online. The latest book The Vinyl Revival and the Shops that Made it Happen has been turned in to a film. It isout on DVD and is available in record shops or online. Distributed by Proper Music.

Each week I record The Vinyl Revival Record Shop Podcast. It contains lots of funny tales from the crazy world of record retailing. It is also available on Spotify.

Twitter: @Revival_Vinyl

My blog has over 100 features on record shops and vinyl.

grahamjonesvinylrevival.blogspot.com

For film screenings and talks contact Graham. 


As the person who has visited more record shops than any other human, I often get asked my advice on buying turntables. I always say do not purchase a budget model. What is the point of buying one that costs the price of a few albums? The sound will not do the recordings justice. For a long time, I have recommended Rega Turntables as they are superb quality at great prices. They got more brownie points for sponsoring 'Record Store Day' and manufacturing limited editions just for record shops. 

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