How can death, allotments and Smokie be so funny?

One of the saddest, yet funniest, things that ever happened occurred on

a very grim day at Acorn Records. I turned up at the shop and noticed how quiet it

was. Normally, I’d be greeted by 83 year old Mavis complaining that I’d been selling

them too many box sets. On this day the shop was silent. “Where’s Mavis?”

I enquired. Chris the owner.

 He explained that earlier that day Mavis’s husband, Dixie,

had collapsed and died whilst working at his gardening job. Mavis was out

shopping when Chris took the phone call telling him of Dixie’s death,

leaving him with the task of informing Mavis upon her return.

 Chris tried to break the news gently. He took Mavis to one side, put his arm around

her and quietly told her that he had some really bad news; Dixie had been

found dead in his employer’s garden. She rested her head on his shoulder

for a few moments and then looked up to utter the immortal words: “But

I’ve just bought the old bugger some fish for Thursday”.

It just goes to show that even in our saddest moments you can find

humour. There was more to follow at Dixie’s funeral. Mavis’s son, Mike,

noticed that the headstone on the grave adjacent to the one in which Dixie

was to be buried was for a lady called Alice. “Look,” he said, “Dad will be

living next door to Alice”. Mavis’s reply was priceless, “Living next door to

Alice. Who the f*** is Alice?” I laughed so much when I heard this tale,

though I appreciate it will be lost on anybody who has not heard the

Chubby Brown and Smokie hit ‘Living Next Door to Alice (Who the F***

is Alice)’.