These tales were provided by Blackwells Music who feature in all my books
Customer (over the phone): “Hello, do
you have ‘Hark the Herald
Angels Sing’?”
Blackwell’s “Ah yes, is it a CD or sheet
music you’re looking for?”
Customer: “It’s a Christmas Carol – I’d
have expected you to know that!”
Customer: “Hello, I’m looking for a CD
for my mother for Christmas –
it’s ‘Carry-On Fidelio’. Do you stock
Carry-On CDs here?”
It was established that it was Karajan’s
Fidelio that was required.
Customer: “Do you have Eugene Onegin on
DVD?”
Blackwell’s “Yes, this production has a
great cast and….”
Customer (interrupting emphatically):
“No, no. This won’t do at all; the
woman on the front is fat.”
Customer (thickly-accented
Scandinavian): “Can you help? I am looking
for whores!”
Blackwell’s: “Erm…”
Customer (animatedly): “Good whores,
Oxford whores!”
Blackwell’s: “Erm, sir we are just a
Music Shop…”
Customer: “Oxford whores are famous,
yes? Whores in Churches?”
Blackwell’s (with a flash of
realisation): “Ah! Choirs!”
Customer: “Yes, whores. I am
particularly interested in boy whores.”
Blackwell’s “Sir, it is pronounced
‘Choir’, and it is quite important that
you say it like that.”
After examining a member of staff’s
recommended recording of Bach’s
1st Prelude & Fugue.
Customer: “It isn’t a remix, is it?”
Whilst standing in the middle of the CD
department, surrounded by
1000s of CDs
Customer: “Where do you keep your CDs?
Are they tucked away in a
corner somewhere?”
Customer: “Will they have this CD at
HMV?”
Blackwell’s: “Possibly, yes.”
Customer: “Well can’t you check for me?”
Blackwell’s: “Erm… I’m afraid not, no.”
Customer: “Why?”
Blackwell’s: “Well they’re a different
shop.”
Customer: “But you sell the same
things!”
Young, attractive, American woman:
“Excuse me, can you check me
out?”
Blackwell’s: “How do you mean, madam?”
YAAW: “Well, you know, like check me
out!”
“Do you have Donkey Oaty by
Strauss? (Don Quixote)
The books of Graham Jones are
available in record shops or online. The
latest book The Vinyl Revival and the Shops that Made it Happen has been turned
in to a film. It has
just been released on DVD and is available in record shops or online.
Distributed by Proper Music.
Each week I record The Vinyl Revival
Record Shop Podcast. It contains lots of funny tales
from the crazy world of record retailing. It is also available on Spotify.
Twitter: @Revival_Vinyl
My blog has over 100 features on
record shops and vinyl.
grahamjonesvinylrevival.blogspot.com
For film screenings and talks
contact Graham.
As the person who has visited more record shops than any other human, I often
get asked my advice on buying turntables. I always say do not purchase a budget
model. What is the point of buying one that costs the price of a few
albums? The sound will not do the recordings justice. For a long time, I have
recommended Rega Turntables as they are superb quality
at great prices. They got more brownie points for sponsoring 'Record Store
Day' and manufacturing limited editions just for record shops.
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