Disasters At Book Talks - Taken From The Vinyl Revival and the Shops That Made it Happen

Since writing Last Shop Standing: Whatever Happened to Record Shops? I have been invited to give many readings, talks and Q&A sessions at record and book shops around the country. The shop may charge a small fee for people to attend, and in return they lay on a glass of wine and other refreshments. These talks provide a great opportunity to engage with true music fans about our shared love of vinyl and record shops – and to sell some books. Usually they are highly enjoyable. But things do not always run smoothly. On one occasion I ended up in hospital thanks to an injury sustained at a book reading.

I was giving a talk at Solo Music in Barnstaple in North Devon. Solo’s staff were in a generous mood and the event was free (either that, or they had no confidence in me pulling a crowd). I arrived about 30 minutes before the start of the talk. Usually, I would find a back room and read through my notes. But Solo was quite a small shop and they did not have a back room available. However, I was welcome to sit in the toilet, if I wished. I thanked the owner, Maggie, for this kind offer, but decided to stay out front and mingle with the people who had come to the event. Maggie had laid on a lavish spread with a choice of wines, soft drinks, nuts, crisps and various snacks. I poured myself a glass of wine and stood by the counter. 

A man sidled up to me and whispered, “This is a bit of alright.”

“What do you mean?” I replied.

“Free food and drink.”

“Are you here for the talk?” I enquired.

“No, I just noticed the sign in the window saying complimentary food and wine. This is my third glass. Who is this geezer Graham Jones?”

When I identified myself, he mumbled something about his wife having his tea on the table and scarpered, leaving me thinking “there is somebody who won’t be buying my book.”

I tried talking to a gentleman in his fifties who had a glazed look on his face and was constantly looking over my shoulder at what was going on behind me. I guessed I was boring him and decided to move on. Just then one of the staff came over.

“He won’t be buying your book,” she said

“Why is that?”

“He is the shop stalker,” she replied. “He only attended because he thought the girl that he fancies would be working. Luckily, she heard a rumour he was coming, so asked for the evening off.” Another wine guzzler who wouldn’t be buying my book, then.

I was then approached by a middle-aged couple. Two things immediately struck me about them. The first was how in love with each other they clearly were. I found it touching that people of that age could still be romantic and hold hands. The second thing was that he certainly thought he was a cool dude as he had his shades on. One of my pet hates is people who wear sunglasses when it is either dull or in the evening. The music industry is full of these types wearing sunglasses when it’s not sunny thinking they are being cool. The lady asked me if I was doing the talk and I informed her I was. She told me that although she was not a great music fan her husband was a fanatic who spent all day playing his favourite records. Throughout the conversation the gentleman never contributed. We were then interrupted by Maggie who asked if I was OK to start the talk. I bade the cool dude and his wife farewell and told them that I hoped they would enjoy reading Last Shop Standing.

“Oh, we won’t be buying your book unless you put it out in braille as my husband is blind and I have no interest in it,” she told me.

A gentleman tapped me on the shoulder and introduced himself as Steven Seagal. He was clearly not the famous actor, being only 5ft 4in and rather rotund. But he was clearly an enthusiastic music fan and engaged me in a conversation about his favourite purchases. I explained that I was about to start the talk. He responded by producing a bunch of receipts from his wallet, which turned out to be for every purchase he had made at Solo since he had started shopping there a few years back. He then started telling me the story behind every receipt.  After five minutes, just as I turned to make my escape he shouted “Graham check this one out.” It was for Last Shop Standing £9.99. Another satisfied customer who would not be buying the book tonight.

I started the talk, and everything seemed to be going well… until I was interrupted by the sound of snoring. Surely, I am not boring someone so much that I have sent him to sleep, I mused. It turned out that a gentleman in the audience suffered from narcolepsy, a sleeping disorder which can cause the sufferer to drop off in an instant. Whenever the audience laughed the gentleman woke up and joined in the laughter before a few minutes later dropping off and starting to snore again.  

By now, I was looking forward to finishing and going home.  Although the talk was in the evening, the shop had stayed open, and halfway through my talk, just as I was finishing a story, a customer came up to me and said, "Excuse me mate, can you move? I want to look through the jazz CDs and you are in the way.” Everybody laughed, and I observed that this was exactly the kind of dedicated customer all record shops need to attract. As I moved out of his way, I cracked my elbow on the CD racking. It was very painful, but I carried on as if nothing had happened. The jazz customer then proceeded to drop all his money on the floor, so the talk stopped again while I helped him pick up his coins.

I eventually finished this most eventful of talks and started the long drive home in considerable pain. My elbow had swollen up so badly that I took a detour to the casualty department of the local hospital. Luckily it was not broken, and the swelling was just excess fluid.

A few weeks later, I gave a talk at Raves From The Grave record shop in Warminster in Wiltshire.  Afterwards a young man came up to me with great enthusiasm asking if I could sign a copy of my book to Rory. I signed it, in front of him, “To Rory, best wishes Graham Jones.”

 “That's no good,” he said. “You’ve spelt my name wrong. It’s R-A-U-R-I. Please can I have another book?”

It would have been nice if he had told me that before I signed it. I gave him another book with Rauri spelt correctly. If you know anybody called Rory send me their address and I will send them a signed copy - half price.

 

 

 

Over 220 independent record shops featured in The Vinyl Revival and the Shops That Made it Happen

The books of Graham Jones are available in record shops or online. The latest book The Vinyl Revival and the Shops that Made it Happen has been turned in to a film. It has just been released on DVD and is available in record shops or online. Distributed by Proper Music.

Each week I record The Vinyl Revival Record Shop Podcast. It contains lots of funny tales from the crazy world of record retailing. It is also available on Spotify.

Twitter: @Revival_Vinyl

My blog has over 100 features on record shops and vinyl.

grahamjonesvinylrevival.blogspot.com

For film screenings and talks contact Graham. 

As the person who has visited more record shops than any other human, I often get asked my advice on buying turntables. I always say do not purchase a budget model. What is the point of buying one that costs the price of a few albums? The sound will not do the recordings justice. For a long time, I have recommended Rega Turntables as they are superb quality at great prices. They got more brownie points for sponsoring 'Record Store Day' and manufacturing limited editions just for record shops.